Saturday, April 24, 2010

Birthday Boy

It has been a very special weekend here this weekend, Cohen's 1st birthday. It is amazing how quickly a year has gone by and all that has happened in that time. My gorgeous little man has given us more joy then I could ever have imagined. He is everything we dreamed for and more, he has bucket loads of spunk and pizazz and gives me a run for my money. Not a day goes by that I don't think how lucky we are that he chose us to be his parents. I have photos below of our celebrations over the last few days. Saturday his actual birthday we had a relatively easy going day and it was all about family and we had both sets of grandparents here for a few hours for morning tea. We then got to enjoy the rest of the day with our darling with a very quick spot of shopping and a long play in the park before coming home for dinner.

Sunday, Anzac Day we met with friends and their children at a park near to us and had a lovely afternoon catching up with some of those dear to us. Cohen got very spoilt for his first birthday....more so from everyone else rather then us I think. We only spent $15 on him buying 2 books and a mini plastic golf club set. Anyways I hope you enjoy some of the pics!











Happy Birthday my darling boy.....I love you baby!

Monday, April 19, 2010

We're finally there

I logged into my blog this morning and saw my ticker say that Cohen and I have been on our re lactation journey for 3 months and 3 days. Wow I thought that has gone by quickly and look at where we are now! Well here I am with a major booby update just in the last 3 days it looks like we have been able to drop the last bit of the formula Cohen was getting. So I think I can fairly confidently say that we are now 100% re lactated. I am so proud of both Cohen and I efforts and as I mentioned on a Nappycino post this morning we have been through so many obstacles to get to this point. We have been through miscarriage, sickness, colds, breast pumps breaking down, me going away to Canberra and teething (ouch). All these obstacles at different times have been challenging and at times very draining on me. But you know what? Not once has giving up even entered into my mind. I am so glad that I listened to my darling little boy and I picked up on his cues of what he needed from his mumma and I have given it to him. As for him what a clever little man, to ride this journey with.......what a blessing and joy you are to not only me but your daddy.

We have also done some rearranging of Cohen's night routine and as a result the knock on effect has been that nap times have become less of a fight. I have started to get some much needed down time, as I was getting to a frazzle point in the last few weeks. I realise now that the testing times in the last few weeks was probably Cohen's way of trying to communicate the next leap in the re lactation journey. Obviously Cohen is still a major mummy's boy but I have been getting lots of help and advice. One of the wonderful Nappycino mumma's has lent me an Ergo carry to try out so hopefully our longer outings like groceries will be easier if he can be closer to me. So if the loaner of the Ergo keeps on working out, I will be on the look out for a good second hand one at a cheap price........so let me know if you know of any, as I have to return the loaner one in a few weeks.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Busy Busy Busy

I have been a busy chook lately and I've been struggling to get time to blog. Our lap top having some sort of malfunction hasn't helped and it's not as convenient to bring a home computer to bed whilst DH reads so I can do some blogging. If I stay up and sit in the office to blog and do other bits and pieces I will never get to bed. Oh and time in bed is rather required lately as we are having another run of Cohen waking at the most painful times during the wee dark hours. So it's best at the moment if I force myself to bed at a reasonable hour.

Another reason for the lack of posts recently is that I have been busy working on some mystery plans that I will be sharing with you all and others soon enough. So keep watching this space for news as you just might have another blog to be following soon. But sshhhh that's all I am going to say for now.

So in between all that there is just normal life and living, and running after a little tacker who turns one next week. There will definitely be post next week, time willing to show off the birthday boy. He is amazing me every day at the moment with what he can do and how much he is learning. He has recently mastered saying "ta".....it's so cute. At the moment I can definitely confirm he can say dad, daddy, ta. As for the list of words I "think" he might also be saying but I need a proper audible confirmation on are mum, doggie and woof. I am pretty certain he is saying dog or doggie, but as for mum I'm not so sure about that. I having a feeling a will still be waiting awhile before I hear mum, mum, mum!

Well I best round this post up, I just wanted to drop in and say hello and hopefully in the next week or so things will have settled down and I can see myself clear of posting other updates and news I have been wanting to share.

Fingers crossed next post I hope to have a major booby update for you all to read.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Cheap Scores

It has been the first time in several months that on this particular weekend of the month we haven't been at the car boot sale, to sell our wares. In all honesty we just weren't prepared this time around, at least not as prepared as we normally would like to be. So we decided to give this month a break and we will probably look at doing one in May, after we have Cohen's first birthday behind us this month.

So instead of going to the car boot to sell our stuff, we went to have a proper look around together. Which is something we never get to do properly when we are there selling stuff. Anyways today I was on the look out for various things, of the things that were on my actual mental list I got one thing. However I got two other things that weren't on my mental list. I was really hoping to find some more clothes for Cohen, but it seemed to be the day for girls clothing rather then boys so much. So alas no clothes for Cohen were purchased. Although I did get him these pair of sandals for $1 (shoes were on my list....so I was happy with this score).



Wandering around we came by my next score and I nearly didn't bother with them because I was carrying Cohen and he was in one of those moods where he didn't want to be put down. What I am talking about are these gorgeous peep toe flats flashing a bit of my fav colour green. I had to ask Ben to climb over the other wears the women was selling and throw them down in front of me, so I could flick off the shoes I was wearing to try them on. Perfect fit, exactly my size $2, can you believe and on further inspection these flats have seen very little wear, so I will have them around for a while.



Finally my last score of the morning, a brand new top with tags still on it for.....are you ready.........50 cents, yes 50 cents. I have been pretty cheeky with finds before in my op shopping endeavours, but never have I managed a brand new top for myself for 50 cents.



So there you go $3.50 and my shopping is done, I am very seriously thinking about putting Cohen and myself on a challenge for 12 months to see if I can cloth us only in second hand scores. Of course underwear and that sort of thing wouldn't be included for obvious reasons. Anyways I best give the challenge more thought, I see other bloggers setting themselves challenges like this all the time. But is it something I could go the distance on????? I don't know, I will think about it!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My first meeting

This morning Cohen and I attended our first ABA meeting, and I am so glad we did. All the mumma's there seemed so lovely and warm, everyone seemed so easy to stroll up to and strike up a conversation with. One mum in particular I mentioned to her that I had recognised her from somewhere. We talked about that on and off throughout the morning and realised that we went the same high school for a period of time and also had jobs working for Red Rooster as teenagers. She actually worked at the store I ended working at, so somehow, somewhere along the lines we have crossed paths. Anyways it was a lovely morning and I will go back next month apparently I can have 2 free meeting before registering, so I will make the most of that.

When we got home from the meeting I had mail from Griffith University, regarding the Prime Study I am involved in. Prime stands for: Promoting Resilience in Mothers' Emotions. The purpose of he study is to see if more earlier midwife counselling and intervention would assist mothers in reducing stresses and anxieties after giving birth, regardless of the birth being good, bad or otherwise. I was asked to take part in this study when Karen (Earth Angel) approached me when I was about halfway through my pregnancy with Cohen. I have found being part of the study has helped immensely with dealing with a lot of the grief that was still lingering after Cohen's birth. So as it is a received the final questionnaire that I must complete and send back now that Cohen is coming up to his first birthday. I am hoping that having taken part in this study that it will assist other mothers in the future, because I know how it has helped me.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Easter


We have had a busy Easter break! Hold on why do I call it a break, I don't work anymore I'm a stay at home mum. Wait up a minute what did I just say.....I do work I'm a stay at home mum that job is 24/7 it doesn't stop. Ben has had four days off, so he has had a break from his everyday work. So really our Easter break has been about family time and friends.

Good Friday we visited Nikki and Brett and had a lovely morning tea. The boys played pool and Nikki and I spoke about various things and ideas we are plotting and planning. Friday seems so far away now that I can't remember what we did with the remainder of the afternoon. Saturday we had a wonderful, wonderful morning visiting my Nan and Pop. Ben took my Nan to the shops the do some grocery shopping and I stayed back with Pop and Cohen. Pop and I took Cohen down to the yard for a walk around the garden. It was so nice to see Cohen wandering off investigating things and then grabbing Poppy's leg wanting to be picked up. Pop gave in each time and was thrilled with all the cuddles and smiles from my little man. It was such a sweet thing to see, especially since Poppy has been unwell for the last week and I have been worried. But our visit on Saturday reassured me that he is fine and that perhaps Nan has made some things sound worse with Pop then they were.

Sunday morning we enjoyed some time in the morning until lunch catching up with Katherine and Aneesh. We all met up at the Broadwater near Charis Seafood. Cohen enjoyed playing in the sand and trying to eat some of it as well. He also had a splash around in the lagoon which was met with squeals of delight as the water lapped at his belly when he first entered in. We enjoyed some fish chips for lunch with Katherine and Aneesh and bid them a farewell not long after as Cohen hadn't had a morning sleep. As anyone who has kids will tell you 5 mins in the car and Cohen was fast asleep. So instead of heading home and then having to get him out of the car 10mins later we decided to drive around until he woke up. We spent the afternoon at home trying to get as much of needed housework done as it's been neglected all weekend. Cohen ended up crashing out on the lounge room floor at 5pm after a breastfeed......poor darling was exhausted by this weekends efforts. He finally stirred about an hour or so later and we transferred him to bed after a top up feed.

Finally today Easter Monday, Ben went off to play a round of golf at Canungra and Cohen and I went over to Caroline's for a catch up and morning tea. We took over some yummy muffins that Ben and I made the night before, Chocolate Choc Chip Muffins. Hmmmmm muffins these yummy muffins had an extra sweet delight though, before baking we poked in a solid Red Tulip Easter egg in to each one. So we all had wonderful time catching up especially since I haven't seen Caroline since our trip to Canberra together. Cohen and I came home for lunch and rested and played with a visit in between from the IL's until Ben/Daddy came home from golf. Today has ended with Ben and I polishing off yummy leftovers from our fabulous pasta sauce the night before and us retiring to bed in front of a DVD favourite of ours Crackerjack.

In all it has been a long and tiring Easter, but we have had a wonderful time catching up with some of those who a dear to us. We are truly fortunate to have the people we do in our lives. I often wonder how we got so lucky in those stakes.....


Cohen having a splash


Out to it.....and see off to the side just some of the laundry that needs to be sorted. Oh well at least we had a nice weekend, the laundry and the housework will be there for another day.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Time to talk

Other then a few sentences in a previous post back in January there is a matter that I haven't really blogged about and thought it time I say more then those few words back then. The matter I am speaking of is the loss of another pregnancy for us, three angel babies for us now. One of the aims of my blog is to share my story of loss and grief and living with it and beyond it, so sooner or later I knew I had to say something more even though few people realised I was pregnant again.

Well as I write this entry, had I still been pregnant I would be about half way now. It's a bit of a hard pill to swallow. I haven't been keeping track of the weeks since the miscarriage, in all honest there has been much to much else going on here. I know I would have been halfway, as one of my closest friends who lives in Melbourne is pregnant at the moment. You see we found out about the same time we were pregnant and found out that our due dates were practically the same. In fact we both had bleeding and threatened miscarriage concerns pretty much at the same time as well. Thankfully for Kath she is within days now of finding out the sex of her baby (this will be her second child). It has been a hard mix of feelings to deal with having what has happened to us and having a friend so close and dear to be pregnant and due at the same time I should have been.

Kath and her husband have been trying for this second baby for a long time and I think she was starting to have doubts it would ever happen. I am not angry nor jealous that she is still pregnant and has the gift of a second child on the way. But I won't lie that it does make it hard wanting and trying to communicate with her since I lost this angel baby. She has what I want and that is to have another baby on the way but I know she understands that. After I had the miscarriage, Kath had a few other threaten miscarriage worries that she was texting me about. I found my grief over this most recent loss became even worse receiving messages like that, because it compounded my loss even further. It's only natural when you are in a grieving state that if you hear other bad news or stories that it would compound those emotions further. On top of that at the time I had other mega, mega stresses going within my family. My plate was too full and the grief, loss and flashbacks with Elle and Meg were coming on thick and fast on top of everything else. I think it was all a case of too much too soon for us and all that has happened in just under the two years we have lost the girls.

We went through all the phases of grief and loss with this most recent miscarriage, but it certainly wasn't to the scale and depth of losing Elle and Meg. Don't get me wrong that doesn't mean that this pregnancy wasn't wanted and desired as much as Elle and Meg were. Rather I think it's a coping response from having walked the road before of miscarriage and loss. I understand that everything happens for a reason, but of course there are bad days when I question that when I don't have my angel babies here and earthbound. At the time Ben and I had some days of asking why the hell us again, we are good people, adoring loving parents and all we want to do is share our love......why would we have to cop another blow. But we know from experience life goes on, we have Cohen to prove that and we couldn't be more delighted with the results of putting one foot in front of the other. But of course it is only natural you have days and wonder what it would be like. It's much the same with this most recent loss, I wonder some days how much I would be showing, how I would be coping, how Cohen would be responding to it all.

I am the type of person who generally finds peace in finding the answer to "everything happens for a reason"........even if it is to delude myself of sorts. But seriously it just helps otherwise I think I would find it hard to move on and want to keep trying. I realise now with losing this angel baby there were so many reasons for it happening, which would take me forever to list all of those deluded reasoning's. But out of it all I have received gifts despite this loss, like the chance to re lactate and be breastfeeding Cohen again. This loss has helped me, right a wrong in having Cohen go back to the boob after 3 odd months or so on formula. It has helped heal the guilt I had for not staying true to Cohen and to my own ideals. So for that I am so fortunate, but for losing another pregnancy.....well that's still crappy. I guess at the end of the day it's about allowing the blessings you have wash over you and living in those moments each day. At the same time honoring the losses and those feelings when they come up. This is how I look at it, when Ben and I make it to the other side many, many years from now I hope, we will have so much love to be untied with on the other side waiting for us.

So from here....yeah Ben and I will be trying again of course. Am I going to call you and tell you I am pregnant......no! Can you work it out for yourself.....yes! Can people be nice enough not ask every five seconds if I am pregnant again.....we will see! Will we do things differently this time regardless of the outcome....hell yes we will! All subsequent pregnancies from here on in, you will find out about in due course, it's only fair to us that we have more control over our bliss or sorrow. It is getting too hard to have to put on a strong face when everyone knows you business all to soon and things go wrong.

But before I go just so you all know, I am doing fine, we are doing fine. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger they say, and I am doing well. I am a busy mumma to a sweet little man and a sibling for him will come, it's just a waiting game. As for Kath and I and our relationship during this time, we will be just fine. I am excited to hear if she has a blue one or pink one on the way. I will be blissfully excited for her when her wee one is born. But of course it will be natural for me to have a moment knowing that it should have been the same time for me........but it's ok I will live. The universe has other plans for us......who knows what they are, so for now we will just sit back and have faith and see what happens.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Night out


Last Saturday night was the second time since Cohen was born that Ben and I had a night out. We attended a 30th birthday celebration for a friend of ours and she wanted everyone to dress in cocktail. Like always we were the only ones to take it seriously and properly dress up. I was fortunate enough to have my darling hairdresser come to home and spruce me up with a new style after a morning of my volunteer work. I must say that a new do can do wonders and a chance to dress up. It ended up being the first time in the longest time I can say I really felt good about myself in regards to my appearance. Being a stay at home mum doesn't give you much of a chance a lot of days to get out of more then the clothes you woke up in. Some days I am lucky to have a shower, brush my teeth or hair. So to have a night where we got to dress up and feel like a bit of hot stuff like I used to was great.
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