Thursday, August 26, 2010

Filling you in on my ponderings and happenings

So I dropped a little bombshell on some of you last week didn't I? Some of you already knew of my pregnancy but where waiting for me to make more of a public announcement about it all. So anyways I thought I would bring you up to speed on other little bits and pieces and some ponderings of my mind and gripes of late.

So the other day I indicated that I think that Cohen might be weaning. I am still of the thought process that he is, even if it is only somewhat. He still comes into bed every morning after DH has gotten up to him and changed his nappy and bought him in. Cohen will have a bit of a feed but he is shortening it down some days to a few very quick minutes. I guess it also hasn't helped that if he has fed too long some mornings I have had to gently say to him "OK baby that's enough, no more" because long feeds make me want to be sick being pregnant again. So he is now often wanting to have his cuddles, a little bit of a suck and then wants milk in a cup instead. Some mornings if he has risen at 4am or so we can get him back to sleep for another hour to hour and half in bed with us (which is a godsend when we can). But most mornings he is up at 5am and that's where our day starts. As for his breastfeeding during the day he will still often want it coming up to nap times, but some days he just wants the comfort and cuddles and has booby then. His way of telling he wants booby now is to climb up onto my lap, tug at my shirt and nod. I will say to him "do you want booby?" and he will nod in reply. He is still having some booby before bed every night. So for the main part he is still a booby boy to a fair extent but he isn't feeding as much as he was and he can go all day without it until bed time in the evening. As I said in my previous post, who knows where we are going with this journey but he is the leader on this so I will follow him.

Still on the breastfeeding front but on another tangent I have started to get unsolicited, unwelcomed, unappreciated comments from others about their thoughts about Cohen still feeding with me pregnant. Apparently according to some "you'll have to give that up by the time the next one is here?" It's all in the tone of how that's being said, it's not a question, it's rather tainted with the disapproval of my declarations that I will continue to breastfeed Cohen as long as he wants including once bubs is here. It's always fascinating that these comments come from those who have never been breast feeders, but yet think they are well informed to sprout their opinions. At the end of the day it doesn't bother me, I am happy with my choices regardless of what others think and I have a wonderful husband who is both supportive and encouraging of our methods. But I won't lie that it does grate on ones nerves that the uninformed and uneducated on these matters are so opinionated on this matter......when in my opinion it has jack shit to do with them, it's not their boobs, their life, their time, their children. Anyways too bad I'm doing what I'm doing and that's that and I am very happy with that thanks........you can talk my ear off but you aren't changing my mind.

Enough of the breasty talk and onto matters of the mind, well at my mind and how I am coping with things regarding the pregnancy. As some of you may know I started seeing a psychologist a while back, well I have been seeing her near on every week since I started. She is helping me with managing my Post Traumatic Stress and other related and underlying issues. I have expressed to her that with this pregnancy I would like to possibly consider a natural birth (well it will be a VBAC), but a lot of work needs to be done to have my trauma and flashbacks under control. I don't really know at this point if I am going to be able to fulfil this desire of a natural birth, but I am not going to beat myself up over it if we end up going down the route of a plan c-section. I am also not going to be made to feel bad by others about that choice either. As far as I see it, I am the one that lives with me every day and I have been through more then enough in the last few years regarding all my children earthbound or not then beat myself up about a birthing choice. It's not like I haven't been through natural birth because I have, it just didn't end as one would dream. In fact it's not like I haven't been in natural labour in fact I have been........twice now. So at the end of the day I will make the decisions that are right for our situation as time progresses. Regardless of the birthing choice at the end of the day.........I will be proud of my choice because I know how much work and effort will have gone into that decision.

What and epic post thus far, I find myself still with plenty to share but one must look at retiring for the day at some point. I will check back in real soon and share further pondering and happenings with you all. Take care all and stay beautiful.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I'm back.......do you want the goss??

Well it's been a while hasn't it? I have had a break from blogging in the last 2 months for a variety of reasons. I have been on a bender for the last 2 months of being in some sort or sick state. Firstly I had a throat/chest infection, then got a round of gastro and to top it off head cold after all that. All of which Cohen has got a touch of or worse in some way or another. So all of you with kiddlywinks will know that when you're already fighting a battle with your kids when they are sick it's only harder when you're sick at the same time. I guess now is the time I should also fess up and tell you that in the middle of having my throat/chest infection I also started experiencing violent illness, I just constantly felt sick all the time. Then that familiar feeling of it feeling even worse when Cohen was feeding started to make me think.

So out of the bathroom draw came the pregnancy tests and a few minutes later (well actually straight away) two fat lines showed up. Without going into to much graphic detail I had thought based on what I thought was a period I had after the miscarriage in May that at the time I could have only been 5 - 6 weeks, so I didn't rush madly to the docs. When I finally got blood tests done my levels were off the charts and not even in the vicinity for 6 or so weeks. It had my doc thinking I was further along then I thought or I was having twins again. Well to give the short version fast forward through a scare early on with more bleeding and an urgent scan through the hospital they confirmed all was well and that I was in fact 10 weeks and 3 days.

Fast forward again to today, and I have just had my NT ultrasound done and bubs is doing well and I am 13 weeks now. Goodness am I relieved or what, after all the ups and downs from the start of this year. So to give you a quick run down on other matters Cohen is still my re lactated booby boy, we hit 6 months a while ago now (1 year in total boobfed), very proud time for us both. He is still feeding at the moment with me being pregnant but I am sensing he is starting to wean a bit. I don't know where our booby journey is going to go from here, but I am still happy for him to feed through the whole pregnancy and beyond if he wishes. I have had to cut his feeds short because when he feeds for too long it makes me feel very ill. I don't want to push him to wean, I want him to make that choice himself. So for now I am happy to go with the flow and see where this journey takes us in our relationship.

I have so much more I could ramble on about at the moment but I guess I have dropped a pretty big bombshell of news on you all. So I will let you sit with that for now and I will be dropping back in more regularly again to fill you in.
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