Sunday, October 17, 2010

Poor blog have I been neglecting you?

I have been finding it hard to find time to sit down and update my goings-on. It partly has to do with me concentrating my time on other things, but also to do with many things I would like to be blogging about but find it hard to find the appropriate way of sharing some information. So it's been a about a month since my last update and gee a lot does happen in a month! Cohen is blazing away and astounding me with his language skills he is picking up words every few days. If he isn't picking up a new word he is picking up some new idiosyncrasy that just have DH and I cracking up at.

I have been trying to spend my spare time working on My Vintage Vow for when I re-image the blogshop. I have seen the first and second draft of the new business logo and I am super excited about how it is going to look at the end. Some of the most recent things I have been working on are some kids hand puppets and some clutch handbags for the mummas. I have also been able to get out and about a little to source a few new vintage clothing finds as well. Oh and I have also recently put my toe in the water and dabbled with knitting. I have found some cool on-line tutes using t-shirt yarn which I have been inspired from the upcycle/recycle perspective. One of my dear NC mumma friends came over for girls Friday night to show me the ropes of knitting recently. Lets just say it was a laugh and half putting up with me, I'm sure! Just yesterday in fact I also got started on a multi-media kids name plaque for Cohen. It's something I have had in the pipeline for awhile but have lacked the time to get going with it, so going well hopefully it is something I can turn into a custom order offering on the blogshop.

In other matters of the heart, family, Cohen and bubs in tum there has been a fair bit going on there. DH and I are looking at meeting with a family day care mum this coming week, a few personal dramas have made it evident that I need find some other support with Cohen. I am extremely lucky to have several friends who are very willing to help out with Co but I also need to have a back up plan for when others are busy and can't help. I have been finding the emotional journey and process of deciding to do this hard. However my emotions have settled a little now and apart from the initial reason I was prompted to look into it, there are many other benefits for both Cohen and I. At this stage we are looking at one day a week or a fortnight, if we hit it off with this day care mum. Putting all other matters aside regarding this matter, the stimulation will be good for Cohen he is such an active and inquisitive little guy that the extra stimulation outside the home will be good for him. On an upside for me it will allow me time to juggle some of the many appointments I am going to be having with this pregnancy. When I don't have appointments I will also have a day to rest and re-charge and more time to work on sorting My Vintage Vow out.

I just mentioned this pregnancy and many appointments! All is well with bubs and my physical health, thank goodness. I have just recently started my ANC appointments with the hospital and they have just become fully aware of my PTSD diagnosis. So along with me already seeing a private psychologist, I am being linked with the hospitals psychiatrist and social worker etc. I am trying to pilot the controls of most of my care at the moment. So I have made it clear that I need for this group of people not be contradicting themselves or each other in my management or I am going to get aggravated and stress will be put on my triggers.

So as for the emotional and mental management matters regarding this pregnancy, there is other news on the delivery front. I have been sounding out the middies, residents and docs about c-sections and vbac policy after a c-section. So at the moment most opinion coming back is saying that because I don't have 2 years between delivery of Cohen and conception of this bub they are wanting a c-section again. However there seems there may be a way of navigating a vbac if I decide (or bubs decides), if cards are played right with the right people. To be brutally honest I still have no idea which way I am going to go with this delivery. I am doing as much work as I can and with the right professionals to try and have me in an emotional and mental place of being able to logically consider a vbac. At this point I just don't want to be steam rolled by middies, residents or docs by what "they" want me to do. I realise that my PTSD, my flashbacks and triggers need to be under control and not effecting me on a physical level for a vbac to be properly considered by me. So that is therefore why I just don't want their opinions at this point hampering my efforts. All that aside after talking to the middies I have to be logical to, this isn't going to be my first or even second delivery it will be my third. As it was my waters broke spontaneously with the girls and I lost them with in moments. With Cohen's delivery even though the c-section was booked I still went into natural labour and my waters broke. So for me to not consider this time that I could still go into natural labour even if I have a c-section booked, would be silly. With it being a possible third spontaneous start to labour, things could happen too quickly for me to follow through with a c-section despite my PTSD and other professionals desires for my delivery. So if at all anything I need to try and be in some state of a prepared mind for any outcome, if you know what I mean.

Either way this time round the middies, docs and psychs really want to see me have a birth plan prepared this time. I didn't have one with Cohen I was soooo messed up and in such denial that it was rather pointless. So the overall goal for the birth plan regardless of method of delivery is for me to control the things that I can for an ideal outcome and my mental health, this is especially important if it's another c-section ie. bubs staying with me in recovery, try breastfeeding in recovery straight after being stitched up, first nappy being cloth and several other things.

So there you go that's kind of what has been going on lately, working on a lot of things. Some might say some of it is a heavy load of stuff to be dealing with (as well as some other personal dramas some of you may know about) but overall a large percentage of all this is for the best in me and my little family. At then end of the day I am thankful for where I am in life at the moment and I wouldn't have it anyway other way. I have gorgeous son, a wonderful husband, a bubs on the way, friends who are the salt of the earth, a chance to work on my business that harnesses my interests and passions, this blog to share my journeys with others good, bad or otherwise and so, so, so, so much more.
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