Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Another full circle moment!

Many of you know of my re lactation journey and I feel now that I can share these pics with you now that Sarah is here safe and sound. I have not been able to post pics of my belly bump until now due to strong feelings I have with my PTSD and OCD issues from losing the Elle and Meg. But now the evidence is in and Sarah is earth side I am happy and confident to share these pics with you.

This pic was taken about a week before Sarah's arrival. Cohen enjoying his boobie moments with mummy before bed in the evening. Enjoying the last days of just him and me in these moments. Throughout the pregnancy he seemed opened to tandem feeding having me breastfeed his toys and him at the same time. But look at us now, the three of us, who would have thought from all that has happened that this would have been the end result. Either way it's just beautiful and I am so lucky to be the mother of these gorgeous children.

Packages of Love and Loveliness

I am constantly astounded, amazed and grateful for the group of mumma's I am surrounding by, either by a long standing friendship from childhood right through to the most amazing friendships I have formed with those on line and of whom I have shared so much with. I am so grateful that I have so much love and support surrounding me on so many levels, the support alone is more then anyone would be grateful for but to be honoured with goodies for me and my sweet darling Sarah is so much more.

So get ready for loads of pics the first load of pics is a package of goodies I received from Noelle when she visited yesterday for the first time since having Sarah!

Noelle made the reversible top/dress at the top of the pic and the romper (I forgot to a pic of the romper by itself.....sorry). The rest of this bundle includes some hand me down woolies of which both Noelle and I adore and a few other goodies and baby socks!

Close up of denim side!

And how groovy is the corduroy side, Noelle did such a good job choosing fabrics she knows I would love.

The second package pictured is one that arrived yesterday afternoon and I was not expecting. It was from our dear friend Kathy in Melbourne and includes to playsuits and larger sizes and lovely baby memory box and a photo album.

Finally the final pics I am showing is of another package that arrived yesterday with a ratta tat tat at the door from Australia Post. It is not a package I was at all expecting and deeply touched my heart. The card that arrived with this package explaining the gift had me tears, happy tears to be so blessed to be gifted these precious items and the reasons behind I why I and my sweet darling Sarah was being honoured with this packaged. To this darling mumma, you know you have my heart and thank you!

Sorry pic is a bit blurry. Package includes a crocheted wrap vest, and handmade fitted cloth nappy, pink tights, handmade hair clip, cloth mama pad, a short sleeve suit, booties and the most funky bloomer and top set in pink with skull and cross bones......oh so funky and I love, love, love it!

Close up of bloomer girly and funky is it!

Pic of the back of the nappy!

And finally the vest!

Our Sarah Grace

Well after many posts being vague about sex (although some of you knew), due date and delivery option, we are please to announce the most splendid arrival of our sweet baby girl Sarah Grace. Born on the 17th February at 10.43am, weighing 8lb3oz and 50cms long with a good hearty scream!

She was born by a planned repeat c-section, we made the decision based on many factors managing my well known issues, to best safeguard my healing and all the work I have done in therapy. Although the desire for a natural birth is still very much there, it is still a possible option for me with number 3 depending on other factors and my there is still a chance and a hope. Anyway for Sarah's delivery I had plenty of help from my hospital social worker and she assisted in drawing up a concise and brief birth plan that covered all the necessary points to avoid triggers for me and also give me a birth experience that I didn't get to have with Cohen even after losing the girls.

Realistically going into the 17th I expected that things could change in the delivery even with it being a booked c-section and thought if I could have even 3/4 quarters of the things on the birth plan fulfilled or carried out I would be happy. Fortunately for us and to my utter delight and surprise everything on my birth plan was carried out and more and I was given the most amazingly splendid day and experience.

We arrived at the hospital at 6.30am and went to the pre-admissions after pulling up in the driveway of the hospital and having shooting pains down my legs and thinking that I was actually going into natural labour the day of my booked c-section (what would have been the odds). As a result a midwife educator who was arriving to work right at that time decided to sit and talk with me whilst Ben parked the car. After pre-admissions they sent me the maternity ward with my paperwork to get ready and prepped for theater.....although we had a few hours to wait it was good. So I spent this time making sure all the drawers at my bedside were sorted with cloth nappies and wipes etc in arms reach for when we returned from delivery as I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of bed and would need for things to be easily accessed for when Ben went home. During this time of prep I had a visit from several of the midwives that know us well through all our experiences and visits to the hospital, which was really nice to feel as though we were surrounding by all this positive energy. Well also discovered that during this time that our earth angel Karen (the midwife who was with me when I lost Elle and Meg and now a very dear friend) would be our midwife for the day and coming to theater for Sarah's delivery........I couldn't be happier at this news. She did ask us if we felt ok about it and of course we did we thought I would a beautiful touch to an incredible journey we have all been on together.

So at some time later in the morning word come that they were getting ready for me in theater and it was time for us to go down, so with me on my chariot like a queen (ha ha yes my bed) we were off through the corridors and lifts. As outlined in my birth plan Ben was kept with me at all times that were reasonable which was nearly the whole time. The only times he left my side were to change into scrubs and when it was time for me to go into theater and start the prep for drips and anaesthesia. Once I was wheeled from the prep room off from the main theater room I came into a room full of "the team" I will call them and my Karen smiling and waiting and ready to reassure me everything that was happening every step of the way. Due to my spinal block going in so well and working so quickly they decided to call Ben in to be with me a lot earlier then the normally would and even before others were ready. They told him he was getting special treatment and we were both very thankful to have those few extra minutes together. As I started to go into that zone of the getting a little anxious Ben was able to talk to me about mundane stuff to keep me focused. As the spinal started to bare down and do its thing I could feel a heaviness in my chest that makes you feel a little anxious because you feel like you can't get a full breath. So I just asked for oxygen to help keep me stay calm and they immediately responded with my requests and within moments I had that clarity of mind back and was excited about what was happening.

Ben and I talked with one another and responding to "the team" as they mentioned things to us. Then out of no where in the middle of Ben speaking to me I heard something and said hold on shhhh I heard something. Ben sat upright and again we heard it, it was the first whimpers and cries of our baby girl halfway between her belly home and her new home. "The team" lowered the curtain so I could see Sarah being lifted from me (this wasn't in my birth plan, but so glad it happened and that I didn't see myself cut open either, I just saw her). Sarah was quickly taken away to be checked on for a matter of moments (literally moments) and then the curtain was pushed back and she was placed laying on her side across my chest. I was happy during that time for her to decide if she wanted to squirm and find the breast herself, but knew due to my position trying to force the point might make it difficult for all involved. As it was she was utterly happy and content on my chest and Karen popped over my shoulder kissed and hugging me and taking my oxygen tube to give Sarah a few whiffs to make sure she was turning all the right shades of pink.......the whole time Karen was reassuring me that everything was fine and that she was ok.

I can't be sure how long she was on my chest but after awhile I could feel her weight on my chest bearing down a bit so I asked Ben if then at that point he would like to have his first nurse of his daughter. This is when I witnessed a man who could not be happier and man who was holding his much awaited and wanted baby girl. As "the team" came towards the end of stitching and cleaning me up I asked Dr. Charters how I looked for another one and although he said that my cervix is thinning slightly I would be right for one more baby......YAY!!! All stitched up now and time to head to recovery and Sarah was placed in the crook of my arm whilst our chariot was pushed to a recovery bay. With no messing around Karen was onto it and had things sorted and had my gown being pulled back and Sarah attached to my breast like a champion.......hence the above pic you see!!! This whole time was a beautiful time of relishing and delighting in all that had just happened and holding Sarah. The messages started to go out, more pictures taken and a special one for me is this pic below of my Karen and my Sarah. We all had a cry together at this point, tears of happiness and because we also heard back from Caroline who was looking after Cohen who told us that Cohen had said Sarah for the first time ever when she showed him her picture we sent via text to her.....awwwww!

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